The Best Way Home- Often involves the real estate services of a full-time, experienced Realtor. I offer full service with NeMoves Mortgage Services, American Home Warranty services, free Market Analysis, Exclusive listing service, Buyers Agency...Call today, 413-263-3704...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Mortgage rates more attractive than ever
Mortgages under 5% are back in bloom
With one of the key measures below the benchmark for the second week in a row, would-be home buyers face the best rates since the spring.
feed://rss.cnn.com/rss/money_realestate.rss...
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- The possibility of securing a mortgage rate below 5% has greatly improved in recent weeks, in a positive sign for would-be home buyers.
Home mortgage rates fell for the sixth straight week, according to two key measures, with one of them pointing to a sub-5% rate for the 30-year fixed loan for the second week in a row.
Freddie Mac's (FRE, Fortune 500) weekly report said the 30-year rate slipped to 4.87% for the week ended Thursday, the lowest since May. According to the mortgage backer, last week's rates stood at 4.94%.
Mortgage tracker Bankrate.com said the average 30-year fixed loan slipped to 5.22% from 5.25% the previous week. The 15-year fixed rate also fell, Bankrate said, to 4.6% from 4.64% the week before.
The 30-year rate is influenced by the benchmark 10-year note's yield, which moves in the opposite direction of its price. Treasury prices have risen over the past week as $78 billion worth of auctions received above-average demand.
"Another disappointing employment report had investors questioning the strength and sustainability of the economic rebound," the Bankrate report said. "The resulting uncertainty drove investors into the safety of government and mortgage-backed bonds." ...
Rates are returning to levels not seen since the spring when, in an effort to cap mortgage rates, the Federal Reserve began a campaign to buy back $300 billion in Treasurys...
Mortgage rates fell as refinancings abounded. But those benefits seemed to wear off, as rates started on a tear in the summer. By June, the benchmark 10-year bond's yield had increased steadily to hover around 4%....
On Wednesday, reports said Democratic congressional leaders were working to extend a $8,000 tax credit for first-time home buyers past the Nov. 30 expiration date and could even make it available to current homeowners who buy a new house.
Homeowners have received a boost from both the tax credit and the lower rates -- last year, the average 30-year fixed mortgage rate was 6.2%, according to Bankrate.
To translate the difference in mortgage rate into dollars, consider a $200,000 loan. At last year's rate of 6.2%, the monthly payment would be $1,224.94, or $124 higher than the monthly payment at the current rate...
First Published: October 8, 2009: 12:32 PM ET
Source: http://money.cnn.com/2009/10/08/real_estate/mortgage_rates/index.htm?postversion=2009100813 accessed Oct. 18, 2009 9:25 a.m.
With one of the key measures below the benchmark for the second week in a row, would-be home buyers face the best rates since the spring.
feed://rss.cnn.com/rss/money_realestate.rss...
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- The possibility of securing a mortgage rate below 5% has greatly improved in recent weeks, in a positive sign for would-be home buyers.
Home mortgage rates fell for the sixth straight week, according to two key measures, with one of them pointing to a sub-5% rate for the 30-year fixed loan for the second week in a row.
Freddie Mac's (FRE, Fortune 500) weekly report said the 30-year rate slipped to 4.87% for the week ended Thursday, the lowest since May. According to the mortgage backer, last week's rates stood at 4.94%.
Mortgage tracker Bankrate.com said the average 30-year fixed loan slipped to 5.22% from 5.25% the previous week. The 15-year fixed rate also fell, Bankrate said, to 4.6% from 4.64% the week before.
The 30-year rate is influenced by the benchmark 10-year note's yield, which moves in the opposite direction of its price. Treasury prices have risen over the past week as $78 billion worth of auctions received above-average demand.
"Another disappointing employment report had investors questioning the strength and sustainability of the economic rebound," the Bankrate report said. "The resulting uncertainty drove investors into the safety of government and mortgage-backed bonds." ...
Rates are returning to levels not seen since the spring when, in an effort to cap mortgage rates, the Federal Reserve began a campaign to buy back $300 billion in Treasurys...
Mortgage rates fell as refinancings abounded. But those benefits seemed to wear off, as rates started on a tear in the summer. By June, the benchmark 10-year bond's yield had increased steadily to hover around 4%....
On Wednesday, reports said Democratic congressional leaders were working to extend a $8,000 tax credit for first-time home buyers past the Nov. 30 expiration date and could even make it available to current homeowners who buy a new house.
Homeowners have received a boost from both the tax credit and the lower rates -- last year, the average 30-year fixed mortgage rate was 6.2%, according to Bankrate.
To translate the difference in mortgage rate into dollars, consider a $200,000 loan. At last year's rate of 6.2%, the monthly payment would be $1,224.94, or $124 higher than the monthly payment at the current rate...
First Published: October 8, 2009: 12:32 PM ET
Source: http://money.cnn.com/2009/10/08/real_estate/mortgage_rates/index.htm?postversion=2009100813 accessed Oct. 18, 2009 9:25 a.m.
Warm Apple Crisp anyone?
Becky's Suggestion: Added a scoop of Vanilla Bean Ice Cream to this one for a great fall treat!

Apple Crisp IV
SUBMITTED BY: rhonda
Original recipe yield 1 - 9x13 inch pan
SERVING...
INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups rolled oats
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 1/2 cups butter
2 quarts peeled, cored and sliced apples
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl, combine the flour, oatmeal, cinnamon, nutmeg and brown sugar. Cut butter into mixture until crumbly.
Take half of the mixture and pat it into the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Cover crumb mixture with apple slices, then sprinkle apple slices with remaining crumb mixture.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 to 50 minutes or until apples are tender.
Source: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Apple-Crisp-IV/Detail.aspx accessed October 18, 2009 @ 9:08 a.m.

Apple Crisp IV
SUBMITTED BY: rhonda
Original recipe yield 1 - 9x13 inch pan
SERVING...
INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups rolled oats
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 1/2 cups butter
2 quarts peeled, cored and sliced apples
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl, combine the flour, oatmeal, cinnamon, nutmeg and brown sugar. Cut butter into mixture until crumbly.
Take half of the mixture and pat it into the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Cover crumb mixture with apple slices, then sprinkle apple slices with remaining crumb mixture.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 to 50 minutes or until apples are tender.
Source: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Apple-Crisp-IV/Detail.aspx accessed October 18, 2009 @ 9:08 a.m.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Keep Swine Flu at Bay- some tips
Infection
Swine flu: Home care tips
During an infectious disease outbreak or pandemic, hospitals can quickly become overwhelmed with patients, many of whom could probably be cared for in their home...
Like other types of flu, swine influenza (or influenza A (H1N1)) spreads from person to person via droplets of fluid that become airborne when a person coughs or sneezes. The virus may also fall on surfaces - doorknobs, cupboard handles, keyboards - and live for a period of time (some viruses and bacteria can live more than 2 hours), possibly infecting others who touch them and then touch their own nose, mouth, or eyes. That is why it is vital (to)... understand and follow hygiene and safety guidelines.
If someone in your home becomes ill, they will need to stay home for at least 7 days after onset of illness and after fever has gone down. Choose one person to be the primary caregiver to minimize the risk of spreading the virus to others.
As a caregiver, you will need to consider these home-care basics:
Get a doctor's advice. If someone shows flu symptoms, it's important for them to stay at home. But you will also need to ask a doctor a few home-care questions: Will this person need an antiviral medication? Will I and my other family members need to take any medication?... Are there medications that children can or cannot take?
Become a hygiene expert. The simple act of hand-washing significantly cuts the risk of viral transmission. All members of the household should wash their hands often using soap and water for at least 15 seconds. If soap and water are not available, an alcohol-based hand sanitizer can be used. Use paper towels to dry hands, or else assign everyone their own towel. Within the home, too, you will need to be diligent about cleaning and disinfecting areas in which the sick person stays. Take caution when handling laundry, and tumble-dry clothing and linens in a hot dryer. Wash your hands immediately after.
Give a sick person their space. Keep the sick person in a room of their own... and keep the door closed. A separate bathroom would be best, too...
Be medication smart. Follow any instructions from your doctor or pharmacist. Read medication labels carefully...
Take care of yourself. When caring for a sick person, wear a properly-fitted, government-approved face mask or respirator. Avoid face-to-face contact with the person as much as possible. If caring for a small child, hold them as little as possible...
Use masks safely...Masks should be fitted to the nose and mouth without gapping. Do not reuse disposable facemasks. Launder and tumble-dry reusable masks. Whenever you remove a facemask or respirator, wash your hands with soap and water, or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer if soap and water are not available.
Remind the sick person of hygienic habits... As a care-giver...give gentle reminders:
Cover coughs and sneezes.
Wash hands thoroughly in soap and water, especially after coughing or sneezing, or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer.
Throw used tissues away into a trash can lined with a disposable plastic bag.
Get plenty of rest and drink lots of clear fluids to prevent dehydration...
Amy Toffelmire
Source: http://health.lifestyle.yahoo.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=5048&channel_id=1020&relation_id=22513 accessed September 19, 2009 9:46a.m.
Swine flu: Home care tips
During an infectious disease outbreak or pandemic, hospitals can quickly become overwhelmed with patients, many of whom could probably be cared for in their home...
Like other types of flu, swine influenza (or influenza A (H1N1)) spreads from person to person via droplets of fluid that become airborne when a person coughs or sneezes. The virus may also fall on surfaces - doorknobs, cupboard handles, keyboards - and live for a period of time (some viruses and bacteria can live more than 2 hours), possibly infecting others who touch them and then touch their own nose, mouth, or eyes. That is why it is vital (to)... understand and follow hygiene and safety guidelines.
If someone in your home becomes ill, they will need to stay home for at least 7 days after onset of illness and after fever has gone down. Choose one person to be the primary caregiver to minimize the risk of spreading the virus to others.
As a caregiver, you will need to consider these home-care basics:
Get a doctor's advice. If someone shows flu symptoms, it's important for them to stay at home. But you will also need to ask a doctor a few home-care questions: Will this person need an antiviral medication? Will I and my other family members need to take any medication?... Are there medications that children can or cannot take?
Become a hygiene expert. The simple act of hand-washing significantly cuts the risk of viral transmission. All members of the household should wash their hands often using soap and water for at least 15 seconds. If soap and water are not available, an alcohol-based hand sanitizer can be used. Use paper towels to dry hands, or else assign everyone their own towel. Within the home, too, you will need to be diligent about cleaning and disinfecting areas in which the sick person stays. Take caution when handling laundry, and tumble-dry clothing and linens in a hot dryer. Wash your hands immediately after.
Give a sick person their space. Keep the sick person in a room of their own... and keep the door closed. A separate bathroom would be best, too...
Be medication smart. Follow any instructions from your doctor or pharmacist. Read medication labels carefully...
Take care of yourself. When caring for a sick person, wear a properly-fitted, government-approved face mask or respirator. Avoid face-to-face contact with the person as much as possible. If caring for a small child, hold them as little as possible...
Use masks safely...Masks should be fitted to the nose and mouth without gapping. Do not reuse disposable facemasks. Launder and tumble-dry reusable masks. Whenever you remove a facemask or respirator, wash your hands with soap and water, or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer if soap and water are not available.
Remind the sick person of hygienic habits... As a care-giver...give gentle reminders:
Cover coughs and sneezes.
Wash hands thoroughly in soap and water, especially after coughing or sneezing, or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer.
Throw used tissues away into a trash can lined with a disposable plastic bag.
Get plenty of rest and drink lots of clear fluids to prevent dehydration...
Amy Toffelmire
Source: http://health.lifestyle.yahoo.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=5048&channel_id=1020&relation_id=22513 accessed September 19, 2009 9:46a.m.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Central Air efficiency
Increase The Efficiency Of Your Air Conditioner
By Jackie Kent
If you have ever spent the summer in Wichita Falls, Texas, or just the month of August in Sacramento, you appreciate your central air conditioner. Summer in any part of the world can be brutal, save the poles, without some kind of cooling system. There are easy tricks you can employ that will increase the efficiency of your central air conditioning system, increase the cooling factor, decrease the temperature within your home and lower your power usage, which will in turn lower your electric bill. First and foremost, just using common sense will save you a ton of money. If the temperature cools off in the evening, turn your air conditioner off and open windows. Letting the cool air in will work to cool your home in two ways. Thermal mass such as furniture and the structure of your house itself holds heat in and will release it into the air. Cooling the large structures by utilizing the outdoor temperatures will decrease the time the air conditioner needs to run and when it is on... Before the temperature begins to rise and when the sun shines, closing the windows and covering them, will keep the cool temperatures comfortable longer. Using the air conditioner only when the temperatures begin to rise inside the home will save money. Utilizing ceiling fans in each room used in your home will make the air feel cooler and decrease the need for lower temperatures to be obtained by the air conditioner... Close the air conditioner vents in the rooms not used in your homes. If your dining room is rarely used, or you have spare bedrooms, close those vents... Make sure your home is well insulated; drafts are just as uneconomical in the summer as they are in the winter. Use insulated drapes, especially on southern facing windows. Keep them closed during the day. These simple tips will keep your home cooler and use less energy, equaling lower energy bills...
source: http://www.allthingsfrugal.com/jk.air.htm accessed August 4, 2009 9:42p.m.
By Jackie Kent
If you have ever spent the summer in Wichita Falls, Texas, or just the month of August in Sacramento, you appreciate your central air conditioner. Summer in any part of the world can be brutal, save the poles, without some kind of cooling system. There are easy tricks you can employ that will increase the efficiency of your central air conditioning system, increase the cooling factor, decrease the temperature within your home and lower your power usage, which will in turn lower your electric bill. First and foremost, just using common sense will save you a ton of money. If the temperature cools off in the evening, turn your air conditioner off and open windows. Letting the cool air in will work to cool your home in two ways. Thermal mass such as furniture and the structure of your house itself holds heat in and will release it into the air. Cooling the large structures by utilizing the outdoor temperatures will decrease the time the air conditioner needs to run and when it is on... Before the temperature begins to rise and when the sun shines, closing the windows and covering them, will keep the cool temperatures comfortable longer. Using the air conditioner only when the temperatures begin to rise inside the home will save money. Utilizing ceiling fans in each room used in your home will make the air feel cooler and decrease the need for lower temperatures to be obtained by the air conditioner... Close the air conditioner vents in the rooms not used in your homes. If your dining room is rarely used, or you have spare bedrooms, close those vents... Make sure your home is well insulated; drafts are just as uneconomical in the summer as they are in the winter. Use insulated drapes, especially on southern facing windows. Keep them closed during the day. These simple tips will keep your home cooler and use less energy, equaling lower energy bills...
source: http://www.allthingsfrugal.com/jk.air.htm accessed August 4, 2009 9:42p.m.
City of Springfield Housing Perks
Housing Assistance Programs
Homebuyer Assistance
Access to homeownership for many households can be an impediment for many desiring to acquire their own home. A critical barrier for prospecting homebuyers often is an inability to provide a sufficient down payment or pay closing costs in purchasing a home. The City, acting through the Office of Housing and in conjunction with HAPHousing; makes two homebuyer assistance loan programs available to help expand home ownership opportunities for low and moderate-income households:
1) The American Dream Downpayment Initiative (ADDI) program, offered through HAPHousing. This program provides financial assistance of up to the lesser of $10,000.00 or 5% of the purchase price. Qualified household income may not exceed 80% of the area median income, adjusted for family size. Please refer to the chart below to see if your household may qualify based on these income categories:
Maximum Household Income
1 Person $43,450
2 Persons $49,700
3 Persons $55,900
4 Persons $62,100
5 Persons $67,050
6 Persons $72,050
2) The Downpayment Assistance Program (DAP), available through the Office of Housing, offers potential homebuyers $2,500.00 in financial support. This program is available to households whose incomes are greater than 80.0% of the area median income, but does not exceed 115% of the area median income, adjusted for family size. The chart below establishes the income limits specific for these participants:
Maximum Household Income
1 Person $43,451 < $62,450 2 Persons $49,701 < $71,400 3 Persons $55,901 < $80,300 4 Persons $62,101 < $89,250 5 Persons $67,051 < $96,400 6 Persons $72,050 < $103,500 These programs are supported by HOME Investment Partnership Program (HOME) and Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) funds, and are designed to provide upfront financial support in the form of down payment and closing costs assistance, as well as work in conjunction with homebuyer counseling. Applications are considered on a first-come, first-serve basis and levels of assistance are subject to available funding. General requirements for all first-time homebuyers include: Not having owned a home during the previous three (3) tax years. Household income may not exceed 80% of the area median income for the ADDI program and; 115% of the area median income for the DAP program. Applicants must contribute a minimum of $750.00 of their own funds toward the purchase of the property for the ADDI program and; 1% of their own funds toward the transaction for the DAP program. The property must be the borrower(s) primary residence. The property must be located within the City of Springfield. The price must not exceed 95% area median purchase price for single-family properties (1 to 4 units) The maximum loan-to-value is subject to lender program requirements but may not exceed 103%. The property must satisfy the minimum HUD Housing Quality Standards (HQS) requirements. Qualifying ratios for housing and total debt expenses may not exceed 33% and 40%, respectively. Applicants must successfully complete a CHAPA or HUD certified homebuyer education class. Landlord training is required for properties with 2 or more units. Homebuyers interested in more details about the ADDI program may contact Marta Santiago at HAP Housing, 322 Main Street, Springfield, MA or by phone at (413)233-1500. For more information about the DAP program, contact Patricia Montana or Maritza Santiago at the Office of Housing, 1600 East Columbus Avenue, Springfield, MA or by phone at (413) 787-6500
Homebuyer Education
The Office of Housing has designed a first-time homebuyer’s education program that provides an in depth overview of the home buying process. Classes are featured in two, four-hour long sessions and are generally conducted on Saturdays. Topics of discussion typically include: A guide to homeownership; obtaining a mortgage and the various types of loan products; understanding credit and what lenders look for; shopping for a home; what to expect in a home inspection; understanding the aspects of a real estate closing... The course is free to the public... All first-time homebuyers seeking downpayment and closing cost assistance must complete a certified homebuyer education class.
Register for scheduled classes... contact the Office of Housing at at (413) 787-6500.
source: http://www.springfieldcityhall.com/housing/home-buyer.0.html accessed Aug. 4, 2009 9:36p.m.
Homebuyer Assistance
Access to homeownership for many households can be an impediment for many desiring to acquire their own home. A critical barrier for prospecting homebuyers often is an inability to provide a sufficient down payment or pay closing costs in purchasing a home. The City, acting through the Office of Housing and in conjunction with HAPHousing; makes two homebuyer assistance loan programs available to help expand home ownership opportunities for low and moderate-income households:
1) The American Dream Downpayment Initiative (ADDI) program, offered through HAPHousing. This program provides financial assistance of up to the lesser of $10,000.00 or 5% of the purchase price. Qualified household income may not exceed 80% of the area median income, adjusted for family size. Please refer to the chart below to see if your household may qualify based on these income categories:
Maximum Household Income
1 Person $43,450
2 Persons $49,700
3 Persons $55,900
4 Persons $62,100
5 Persons $67,050
6 Persons $72,050
2) The Downpayment Assistance Program (DAP), available through the Office of Housing, offers potential homebuyers $2,500.00 in financial support. This program is available to households whose incomes are greater than 80.0% of the area median income, but does not exceed 115% of the area median income, adjusted for family size. The chart below establishes the income limits specific for these participants:
Maximum Household Income
1 Person $43,451 < $62,450 2 Persons $49,701 < $71,400 3 Persons $55,901 < $80,300 4 Persons $62,101 < $89,250 5 Persons $67,051 < $96,400 6 Persons $72,050 < $103,500 These programs are supported by HOME Investment Partnership Program (HOME) and Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) funds, and are designed to provide upfront financial support in the form of down payment and closing costs assistance, as well as work in conjunction with homebuyer counseling. Applications are considered on a first-come, first-serve basis and levels of assistance are subject to available funding. General requirements for all first-time homebuyers include: Not having owned a home during the previous three (3) tax years. Household income may not exceed 80% of the area median income for the ADDI program and; 115% of the area median income for the DAP program. Applicants must contribute a minimum of $750.00 of their own funds toward the purchase of the property for the ADDI program and; 1% of their own funds toward the transaction for the DAP program. The property must be the borrower(s) primary residence. The property must be located within the City of Springfield. The price must not exceed 95% area median purchase price for single-family properties (1 to 4 units) The maximum loan-to-value is subject to lender program requirements but may not exceed 103%. The property must satisfy the minimum HUD Housing Quality Standards (HQS) requirements. Qualifying ratios for housing and total debt expenses may not exceed 33% and 40%, respectively. Applicants must successfully complete a CHAPA or HUD certified homebuyer education class. Landlord training is required for properties with 2 or more units. Homebuyers interested in more details about the ADDI program may contact Marta Santiago at HAP Housing, 322 Main Street, Springfield, MA or by phone at (413)233-1500. For more information about the DAP program, contact Patricia Montana or Maritza Santiago at the Office of Housing, 1600 East Columbus Avenue, Springfield, MA or by phone at (413) 787-6500
Homebuyer Education
The Office of Housing has designed a first-time homebuyer’s education program that provides an in depth overview of the home buying process. Classes are featured in two, four-hour long sessions and are generally conducted on Saturdays. Topics of discussion typically include: A guide to homeownership; obtaining a mortgage and the various types of loan products; understanding credit and what lenders look for; shopping for a home; what to expect in a home inspection; understanding the aspects of a real estate closing... The course is free to the public... All first-time homebuyers seeking downpayment and closing cost assistance must complete a certified homebuyer education class.
Register for scheduled classes... contact the Office of Housing at at (413) 787-6500.
source: http://www.springfieldcityhall.com/housing/home-buyer.0.html accessed Aug. 4, 2009 9:36p.m.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Mom...I'm home
When college kids come home for the summer
How to enjoy the summer and avoid a clash with your college kids
June 11 - They go off to college as your sweet little baby, but when your college-age kids come home, all they want to do is sleep and stay out all night. What’s a parent to do? “Today” contributor and psychiatrist, Gail Saltz is with New York Presbyterian Hospital and she offers some tips for parents.
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR COLLEGE KIDS WHEN THEY COME HOME FOR THE SUMMER
Your summer can end in disaster if your expectations and your college kid’s expectations clash when they come home for the summer.
On the one hand, you are looking forward to seeing your child. You miss them. You expect them to be the same person they were when they left to go off to school. You expect them to step back into the role they had before they left for school in doing household chores, keeping a curfew, telling you almost everything, and following the rules of the family. You want to hear all about their studies, their friends, their ambitions and plans for school. You probably even hope to show them off to the extended family at get-togethers because you are proud of them.
On the other hand, your college kid just wants to come home and sleep, hang out with old friends and new friends, stay out all night and generally do whatever they’ve been doing at school.
They have spent the last year in an unstructured and unsupervised environment and probably really like it that way. This new world of theirs contains new people, new habits and a new style of dressing. You may or may not agree with this, and as a result they may not want to discuss it with you.
As you can see, this can all add up to disaster.
HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW YOU CAN AVOID BLOW UPS WITH YOUR COLLEGE KID
1. Negotiate conflicts early: There are things you know will be sources of tension. They tend to be curfews, use of the car, phone and Internet too, money use, who can come over when, and household responsibilities... sit down with your game plan and discuss with them their wishes. Find a place where you can compromise and make these the ground rules for the summer.
2. Be flexible: If you force the same rules on them they had before they lived on their own at school, they will truly resent it and may not want to come home, which would be a loss for you. So try to be more flexible while maintaining certain limits...
For instance, let your kid sleep until 1 p.m. for the first few days but then pick a reasonable time (like 10 a.m.) after that so that the rest of the family can do what they need to. Don’t insist they be home by 11 p.m. when you know at school they were out until 4 a.m., but do say they must tell you when they will be home in advance and stick to it or call if they cannot so you don’t have to worry when they aren’t there. If they use the car they must agree to times you can spare it...
3. Encourage an adult-to-adult relationship: When you come off as an authoritative parent, you push your child away. He or she may be struggling to become an adult, and it’s difficult. Try listening...Invite them to discuss how they feel about various issues and then also tell them how you feel. The evolution to this kind of relationship will be very gratifying for both of you.
4. Accept them: While your child is in the new universe of college, they are most likely trying on different personas, which may be different from the way they were before. But you need to be somewhat accepting of their different clothing, hair, friends and independence. In fact, you need to accept them as adults. If you are going to have a good relationship with them, you need to appreciate them for who they are.
5. Show them you want them home: Let them know how happy you are to be with them... Allow them time with their old and new friends, but then ask them to save some time for you, so you can do something fun together.
Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.”
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive. Reprints
Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3079389/ accessed June 14, 2009 9:16 a.m. EST
How to enjoy the summer and avoid a clash with your college kids
June 11 - They go off to college as your sweet little baby, but when your college-age kids come home, all they want to do is sleep and stay out all night. What’s a parent to do? “Today” contributor and psychiatrist, Gail Saltz is with New York Presbyterian Hospital and she offers some tips for parents.
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR COLLEGE KIDS WHEN THEY COME HOME FOR THE SUMMER
Your summer can end in disaster if your expectations and your college kid’s expectations clash when they come home for the summer.
On the one hand, you are looking forward to seeing your child. You miss them. You expect them to be the same person they were when they left to go off to school. You expect them to step back into the role they had before they left for school in doing household chores, keeping a curfew, telling you almost everything, and following the rules of the family. You want to hear all about their studies, their friends, their ambitions and plans for school. You probably even hope to show them off to the extended family at get-togethers because you are proud of them.
On the other hand, your college kid just wants to come home and sleep, hang out with old friends and new friends, stay out all night and generally do whatever they’ve been doing at school.
They have spent the last year in an unstructured and unsupervised environment and probably really like it that way. This new world of theirs contains new people, new habits and a new style of dressing. You may or may not agree with this, and as a result they may not want to discuss it with you.
As you can see, this can all add up to disaster.
HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW YOU CAN AVOID BLOW UPS WITH YOUR COLLEGE KID
1. Negotiate conflicts early: There are things you know will be sources of tension. They tend to be curfews, use of the car, phone and Internet too, money use, who can come over when, and household responsibilities... sit down with your game plan and discuss with them their wishes. Find a place where you can compromise and make these the ground rules for the summer.
2. Be flexible: If you force the same rules on them they had before they lived on their own at school, they will truly resent it and may not want to come home, which would be a loss for you. So try to be more flexible while maintaining certain limits...
For instance, let your kid sleep until 1 p.m. for the first few days but then pick a reasonable time (like 10 a.m.) after that so that the rest of the family can do what they need to. Don’t insist they be home by 11 p.m. when you know at school they were out until 4 a.m., but do say they must tell you when they will be home in advance and stick to it or call if they cannot so you don’t have to worry when they aren’t there. If they use the car they must agree to times you can spare it...
3. Encourage an adult-to-adult relationship: When you come off as an authoritative parent, you push your child away. He or she may be struggling to become an adult, and it’s difficult. Try listening...Invite them to discuss how they feel about various issues and then also tell them how you feel. The evolution to this kind of relationship will be very gratifying for both of you.
4. Accept them: While your child is in the new universe of college, they are most likely trying on different personas, which may be different from the way they were before. But you need to be somewhat accepting of their different clothing, hair, friends and independence. In fact, you need to accept them as adults. If you are going to have a good relationship with them, you need to appreciate them for who they are.
5. Show them you want them home: Let them know how happy you are to be with them... Allow them time with their old and new friends, but then ask them to save some time for you, so you can do something fun together.
Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.”
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive. Reprints
Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3079389/ accessed June 14, 2009 9:16 a.m. EST
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